kindness

When I moved away from home I honestly didn't think it would be that hard. I've always had my mom and dad right there to help me with any little problem, so I never realized how often they happen. Well, it's safe to say that since living in Salt Lake I've gained a greater appreciation for my family, and not just the family I moved away from (Mom, Dad, Linc) but the family that I moved closer to, and even family that I don't know very well at all.  I've received so many deeds of kindness from everyone since I've been up here, large and small and I want to write a few of these down so I don't forget.

 Before Christmas break there was a snowstorm and I had awful tires. I was driving home from the dorms and I slid off the road 4 different times. The fourth time I hit a parked car and I was so rattled that I called Berk in tears. I told him what had happened and he told me to pull over and he would come help me. I was at the top of the big hill by East High so getting to me wasn't an easy task. His car wouldn't make it so he ran up the icy hill. When he got to me he drove my car a really long way home so we didn't die trying to go down the hill (he said my car was the most dangerous vehicle he had ever driven, so it wasn't just my poor snow driving skills). It meant so much to me that he did that for me, and I was so grateful I had someone to rely on. 

I told my aunts and uncles what had happened at Sunday dinner and the next morning I got a call from my aunt telling me that they were all buying me new tires for Christmas. Thirty minutes later we were at the tire store and the dreadful feeling of driving to work with Rylan (boy I tutor) in the car everyday went away. That act of kindness made me feel so loved and cared for.

Right after I received my job offer to tutor the Neve boys again my car stopped working. I was really in a pickle because I had to commute to work everyday. Later that evening my cousin Brandon who used to own an auto shop was outside fixing it. The other day I rolled my drivers side window down all the way and it wouldn't come up. Berk and I tried to get it back up but it was in so far we couldn't even grip it. I was getting ready to drop 300 dollars on a new motor for my window (with the help of my parents of course), but my dad decided to call Brandon to see if he had any recommendations. That night I bundled up in my snow clothes, grabbed a few blankets and drove to West Jordan with my window rolled down, ha! Brandon fixed it like it wasn't a big deal, even though I know he was freeeeeezing!  He even told me he would replace the motor when I have time. Yeah, not when he isn't busy, but when I'm not busy. This is a cousin that is quite a bit older then me and I  never see him, yet he so willingly helps me out when I need it. 

When my window wouldn't roll up I posted on facebook asking for tips on getting it back up. A couple days later I received an email from my Aunt Melinda who lives in San Fransisco. She said "Maddi take your car to the auto shop and have them fix it. Then call me and I will give you my credit card number. I don't want any frozen nieces!" I could hardly believe her offer. Luckily I had already fixed it, but that fact that she was willing to help me out like that had me overwhelmed with gratitude and love for my family. I thought I was ready to do everything on my own and be completely independent. But lets face it, if it weren't for my family I would be stuck on the side of the road with my window down freezing to death. And I wouldn't even have the sleeping bag and hand warmers my aunt and uncle put in my car last week :)

Tonight

Tonight- As I was driving home from work I was in a pretty good mood. I had Sufjan Stevens' Christmas album playing and I was happy to be going home. As I was approaching Temple Square I received a message from someone who I am working on a group project with in my Human Exceptionality class. I've been frustrated with her because she procrastinated and it's effecting our whole group. Her message did not help dissolve my ill feelings towards her. I was quick to say out loud that she's an idiot..ha.. and just like that I was in a bad mood. Luckily for me I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I missed my usual turn and had to drive down a different street. Immediately I saw the most magical view of  Temple Square lit up for the holidays. Joy to the World came on my stereo and I couldn't help but think about how all of the lights, decorations, and the holiday hype are in celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, our Savior. He was born, He lived a perfect life, and He died for us. We can have eternal life and live with our Father again because of Him! I know this is basic truth but I feel like it really hit me for the first time tonight. Without the birth of Jesus there would be no hope for any of us. But because He was born we can feel hope and peace. He really did bring joy to the world.   I know I need to keep the Christmas spirit with me all year long, but I am especially grateful for this time of year to be reminded, with the rest of the world, that we can rejoice because our Savior was born!

what really matters

Life has flown by this past month, between work, vacations, and preparing to head up to the U in the Fall it's been easy for me to get caught up in my life. This past month there have been a few deaths of some young boys within our community that have been heartbreaking. Although I don't know any of the them well I do known the people that they were close to, and it makes me so sad that their time with a loved one is so short. I wish with all of my heart that I could take away some of their pain, but I'm so grateful that God is able to do that. When someone young passes away I have a really hard time grasping the fact that their spirit is no longer in their body, and that their life here on earth is done. But then I remember that they are now with our Heavenly Father, and that their mission on earth, although it may have been short, is now over. It brings me a great deal of comfort once I am reminded of that fact. Although life is beautiful, I know that the day I am reunited with my Father in Heaven is going to be a wonderful day, and far greater than I can even imagine. After seeing the effect that these boys have had on peoples lives I can only hope that I am able to become that type of person before it is my time to pass on. There are some people who have such strong spirits that they are able to accomplish more on earth in a small amount of time then some people are able to do in a whole life time, and lucky for us our lives are enriched just by having known them. It's times like these that cause me to stop and wonder where my priorities are. Am I spending enough time thinking about how I can help others, or grow closer to Christ, or am I putting the majority of my time into worrying about not having perfect skin, or the perfect body, not being outgoing enough, etc.  When I answer that question to myself with honesty the answer scares me but lucky for me I have the opportunity to grow and change. From here on out I am going to try my best to throw my insecurities out the window and to become the Daughter of God that my Heavenly Father knows I can be. I am going to try and cherish the moments I get to spend with my friends and family and let them know that I am glad for them, because the reality is life can change unexpectedly in an instant. I'm so grateful for the knowledge of eternal families. What comfort it brings to know that this is not the end, and it is in fact just a small moment in the grand scheme of things, even though it can sometimes feel like eternity. I'm so glad that Heavenly Father has a plan for us all, we couldn't be in better hands. We are so lucky that God blesses us with families like the Harrison family! It's people like them who show you how good you really can be, and how important family is. I'm grateful for that. My heart aches for them right now, but I know that they can make it through this, and that their little brother has completed his mission here, and is moving on to something even greater.

This quote that came up on my Latter- Day Words of Wisdom app on my phone yesterday, and it seemed to go along with what I have been pondering pretty well.

"Speaking of loved ones he had lost, one man declared his regret this way: I remember those happy days, and often wish I could speak into the ears of the dead the gratitude which was due them in life, and so ill returned."

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That is how my head feels right now! I can't make a dang decision for the life of me. When we go out to eat my mom always laughs at me because I get torn on what to order. I make simple decisions big decisions, so when it comes to the big decisions I feel like it's a matter of whether I am going to happy or miserable for the rest of my life. Last year when I had to decide what school to go to I thought it would be the last time I'de be making a big choice I wasn't certain about. Who knows where I got that idea?! This past week I've been so conflicted with not knowing what I want to do. I make up my mind about one thing and the next day a new opportunity comes along and everything I've decided goes back up in the air. I hate the knot I get in my stomach and how I don't know if it's out of fear or if it's a sign I shouldn't do something. I hate how I will get really excited and certain that I have made my mind up but then a few hours later I change my mind again. I also hate that since highschool the logic part of my brain is starting to work (yeah I know it's a good thing but it's still annoying). But the more I think about it the more I realize how lucky I am to have these opportunities! Although it might seem hard it's pretty exciting that I'm at a point in my life where I'm able to do what I want! Well anywhoosies I figure since I'm going to be faced with choices my whole life I may as well jot down a few words of advice from myself now for myself in the future.

• Don't let big decisions cause me agony, just make a choice and see what happens. If I don't like the outcome than make some changes.
• God trusts our judgement (thanks kort) He's not always going to give me an exact answer, I just need to make a decison and if it's not right than he will let me know. 
• Whatever I choose to do it is not going to be the end of the world! Things have a way of working out.
• Remember that life is to be enjoyed not just endured, if it's something that is going to make me happy than it's worthy of my time. 
• Never feel to old to talk to mom and dad and seek their advice 
• The course of our lives is not determined by great, awesome decisions. Our direction is set by the little day-today choices which chart the track on which we run."- Gordon B. Hinckley
• No matter what my fear might be, don't let it get the best of me.

This Summer I'll either be here

 or here 

 Either way I'm one lucky human and my cup just keeps overflowing with blessings.

{This song makes me feel excited about life.. and it reminds me of Alaska}

To haunting, the task is daunting

     I feel as though my whole world is changing. Maybe it's just a post high school graduate thing, or maybe it's just me. My dog moved to Texas with my sister, I got a new haircut, I bought a new phone, I have a job, I'm finally completely moving on with something thats been bothering me for a year! I might be being a bit dramatic, but seeing as the last three years of my life have basically consisted of me going to cheer and the same activities, change is uncommon!
      I don't know how to be a college kid. I feel like now that I'm out of high school I should be sweet like all of my friends and hang out with older peeps, but I don't know how to do that! I've had the same friends for as long as I can remember. It scares me, what if I am terrible at college and I don't meet any new people and nobody wants to be my friend? What if I don't want to hang out with the same people as my friends but I don't meet the type of people I want to be friends with? Everyone tells me Dixie is going to be 13th grade, but I really don't want it to be that way. I know it's not mature of me to worry about these kinds of things, but I'm 18 and immature so what do you expect? I have so many things I want to do and accomplish but what if I fear I wont have the time or money to pursue them. The list could go on but I guess the only way to go forward is to put all my fears aside and just do what I've got to do. I think the only sensible thing to do is to move to Peru for 6 months. Alright that might not sound so sensible but it's what I want to do! Hopefully next May a good friend and me will be packing our bags. You know who you are :)

A decision has been made

    As of last night I had an acceptance letter from the University of Utah, supportive parents, a plan, the best room mates and out of who knows where the thought that I needed to stay at Dixie. The one time my parents were saying I should go up to the U my heart was telling me to stay home? What is this?!Of course I fought off the urge, I called my cousin and had her convince me the U was going to work out great, I told her I don't want to go to Dixie so she helped me realize that I could handle working my way through college and all that jazz. She gave me some really nice advice that I was so grateful for. It's the greatest feeling knowing that I have so many amazing people rooting for me. I can't tell you how often my family told me I COULD when I said I couldn't. They helped me realize that I do have worth, potential and that not everything is about having a 4.0 and a high ACT score. They helped me realize that I can be successful and live a great life and have my dreams come true. Thats why the U was going to work, because they helped me to find the determination to be able to do so and I'm sure I would have had the ultimate experience. 

     But for some reason which I may never know I felt completely uneasy about the whole thing, I figured it was just the nerves but it was more then that. I couldn't sleep and if you know me thats not normal, I'm kind of a grandma. I woke up with my mind screaming at me "go to Dixie". MULTIPLE TIMES! I was so irritated because I have the hardest time making decisions in the first place and I did not want to change my plan this late in the game! This was not helping. As I was laying in bed I kept telling myself that it wasn't the spirit it was just my mind. But yet it kept screaming at me. Yeah..so much for that still small voice right? The thought kept coming into my head that there is a reason I need to stay. Why though? I have been completely against staying, the thought used to make me sick to my stomach so why is it now that the thought of staying brings me to complete ease and peace? I decided to leave it alone but in first period I ended up telling my friend Steph about the whole ordeal. As I was telling her I confirmed to myself that I am going to Dixie. But the weird thing is I am so so so happy about my decision! This is the first time I've ever felt like this in my life. I couldn't help but feel so happy and bubbly today. Everything is falling into place. I may be giving up the college experience I have dreamt about but I feel 100 percent confident that I am going to have the opportunity to have different experiences that I never imagine. Who knows what the Lord has in store for me. Hopefully it will equal in me going to Africa or Peru and working with the little children. But with the pattern of me having a plan and it changing it is likely to be something I've never thought of or more likely something I have said I will never do in a million years. All I have to say is it better not be something like I'm going to meet my husband right away..if thats the case then Heavenly Father and I are going to have to have quite the chat. I can't explain how much gratitude I feel right now and although the Lord may have been pulling on my heart strings for a while I feel great and life is wonderful. Next step..Hope I get the job I'm applying for..and oh I don't know. Maybe APPLY to Dixie?!

This Life Wont Pass Me By

     I'm realizing now probably more then ever that I'm not living my life in the present. Of course it's quite alright to be excited about the future, and it's great to look back. That's how we learn and grow. Besides, what's the point of making memories if they are never to be remembered? But here's the catch, I don't want to miss the world around me because I am living in a memory. As I'm in my senior year and things aren't always the greatest I often find myself looking back on how things used to be, or how much greater life will be when I'm in college or married and so on. But in all reality things weren't perfect, even if I may remember it that way, and things will never be perfect. Life is always going to be filled with adversity, but its the adversity that will shape me to be the better person. It's those moments that push me to my limits that build character and help determine who I are. I now know that its not going to be some big event to make my life great, It's all the little things that create a wonderful life, It is up to me to notice these things. It's easy for me to want to travel the world and see all the beauty, but I'm missing the point! I am surrounded with beauty every day! But how often do I stop to recognize it? I don't want to get stuck on the idea that the grass is always greener on the other side. So here's to slowing down and taking a moment to watch the sunset, or notice the moon. Here's to lots of laughter and happiness with thsoe who are in my life. Here's to living life in reality, and making the most of what I do have now! yayayayaya!

Welcome To the Blogging World

    

I decided that I would see what all this blogging business is about and so far I'm finding it quite confusing! I have no idea how my friends make theirs all cute but I give them my props.

I don't know what I'm supposed to write about. Probably myself? Since I'm not much of a writer, especially when it comes to me I think I'm going to do it a little simpler. So here it goes, Ten Facts You need TO know about Me. (well I'm not so sure that you NEED to know them, but you get the point)




1- I love to be Goofy. I would way rather have fun and have people think I'm weird than just be normal. Normal people scare me. ( I think I saw a sign that said that, it was so great)

2- I love my family. Honestly I feel like I have been blessed with the greatest, coolest, most unique family in the whole world. I don't say that lightly. Its my family that has always been themselves no matter what, to embrace who they are and their individuality. Its me that its taken time to figure that out, but I wouldn't have with out my fam! F is familia, this is my family ( a classic song i learned in espanol)

3- I have some GREAT friends. We've been through a lot of amazing, and not so amazing times. But we've still remained friends through out all these years! Thats saying a lot seeing what they had to put up through my very insecure, and immature years! I think it's so important to have friends that you can trust, and laugh with. After all your with your friends more then family so they better be great!

4- I'm a cheerleader. Your probably thinking seriously do I really need to know that? Well, its not so much the fact that I'm a cheerleader that I want to talk about. It's what cheer has done for me! I spend a huge amount of my time at cheer or doing something for cheer. It has given me the oppurtunity to become close with 25 different girls. These are girls that see my very best and very worst side and are still accepting and loving of me anyways. They are great girls, I will always love them and be grateful that I had them in these crazy years of my life. Next time I hear some one say something stereotypical about a cheerleader I will to tell them to really get to know the girl and then try saying those things. I guess thats how it is with any person, everyone has good about them. Sometimes I claim how sick I am of cheer ect. ect. But really, its great! It has put so much into my life! I'm shy, but going out of my comfort zone like this has helped me to grow so much! Also, I have great coaches. They are great friends, and its always nice to have someone older to confide in. They sacrifice so much for us, even though we don't always give them a reason to want to! I owe them BIG TIME!

5- I love to be nice! I'm not saying that I'm a way nice person and I'm never mean. Believe me that is NOT the case. But I love kind people, they are so great. I love when I have kind examples in my life because it helps remind me how I should be. My younger brother Lincoln is the perfect example of this. I know this gets said all the time, but you never know what people are going through, and your kindness could help them forget their problems for just a moment, and see it through!

6- I love my religion! The older I get the more I realize that I can't do things on my own and that life is so much easier when I turn to my Heavenly Father and let him help carry my burdens. I feel so blessed every single day. My blessings are uncountable. When I just open my eyes I see that my entire life is full of  blessings. Right now I'm working on recognizing all of them and not taking them for granite. My life is really not as hard as I think it is. In fact, its actually pretty Amazing!

7- Nothing cheers me up like laughing does. Laughter can fix a broken heart! Cheesy? Yes. But if you can make me laugh you definitely goes up on my scale of coolness :)

8- I believe that high school is way more dramatic then it needs to be. Its our last careless days, but its filled with so much unnecessary stress. By the end of this year I'm going to have it figured out. Just wait!

9- I believe everything happens for a reason. Even the bad things. And the bad things that may happen usually happen so that something great can happen! So just hang in there :)

10- I truly believe thats its what's inside that counts! I'm slowly learning this but all the material things don't matter! This fact has played a HUGE part in my life lately. If your a great person, then you will be beautiful on the outside no matter what your wearing, how your hair looks, even if you have a face full of acne! Its impossible to not find someone beautiful when they are beautiful on the inside!! I know its super corny but it really is so true!!!!!


      So... This turned into me going off on things I believe in, and not so much about me. But you better believe there's not much to say about me so that was my best shot